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Jan 27, 2013

Me and only me

So much has been going on the last few weeks...all good stuff. Kids busy with acting careers. I booked my 1st wedding (so many people have asked me, but I declined in the past). I don't take someone's wedding lightly as there are no redos. I have also been bombarded with headshot requests. Shot my 1st one yesterday and they are really good

Will blog about all that later. I have been aggravated by left shoulder pain that has artitis (actually in bootcamp I was throwing the medicine ball over my head to the padded wall where in bounces on ground, you catch and repeat until you hear the 20 sec whistle. I should have been throwing from my chest. Well my arthitic left shoulder popped out of the socket and back in OUCH. I was corrected right after that as my scream alerted the instrucutor (I didn't stop though) ) but this pain was more than just my arthitis and my arm has been numb and tingling. I went to my pain doc for my quarterly follow up (must go to keep meds and eye on my injuries) which was actually my 6mo follow up. They threatened to not refill my pain meds.
I thought my arthitis just got out of control and was hoping for a steroid shot in the shoulder joint and all would be good.
No Such Luck!

My doctor is hilarious and I'm probably one of the only patients under the age of 65. Once you are deemed incurable and only treatable you are pawned off the the pain center for pain management. I won my slot 5 or so years ago. 

Dr K that always greets me with an Irish Brogue (she hasn't an ounce of Irish blood in her)
She says she doesn't think the problem is my shoulder but my neck...I didn't believe her. She proceeds to push on a nerve on my shoulder that goes to my neck. I immediatly fall over on the bed laughing...yes laughing in gut wrenching pain as muscle spasms cripple my neck. Ever had a charlie horse in the side of your neck?..I get them often...they hurt and you can't breathe. 
Then a crippling blinding headache sets in where I can't open my eyes. (that I still have to this moment..it's dulled though)
"What is wrong with you!" I ask her
She reply's with a "Told you it was your neck"

I had severe whiplash 7 years ago and have bulging disks at C 3, C4 and C5. I have severe nerve damage...spent years unable to move my neck. After years of Steroid injections and mulyiple meds I had Radio frequency ablation...3 times to be exact (it's where they cut the branch nerves) 1 st two times they grew back. The last time was 2 years ago I had C2-C6 cut bilaterlly, which ahs been a Godsend. I still have crunching, stiffmness, muscle spasms and reguler pain. It's just a 2 on a great day, 4 on a normal day and 7 on a bad day. Not the 10 that I use to live with.
Plus after you have been in horrible chronic pain for a long period of time, you start sucking it up and living your life again. I had no choice because I have kids that need a functioning mother, I had to buck up and stop letting my pain identfy me.

I digress

So Dr K. sent me for a new MRI and Xray with the words "I'm afraid what it is going to show" and get used to the "S" word...surgery...what kind you ask....discectomy and Cervical Spine fusion. Really?! who says that? but we have that kind of relationship after all these years together.

Turns out the results showed Degenerative joint disorder and 2 new bulging discs at C6 and C7.Makes 5 if you're counting. Nurse called with that special news. I will meet with Doc tomorrow to find out what is next.

I will add this to the lumbar spinal fusion that I had 15 years ago from degerative disc, that is now riddled in arthitis which makes my hips, lower back and right leg in horrible pain, numb and tingling. I have arthitis in my right elbow from Ulnar nerve relocation surgery in 2007- another dandy gift from my accident for which I receive steroid shots in order to have use of it.
If I'm going to be thorough I have to add my Right big toe and right thumb that burns and which I am losing use of.

I write this for myself because no one really wants to hear mine or your aches and pain, because in my age brackett give or take 10 years...everyone has something that is making their life a living Hell. Whether it's 1 bad disk or 5, whether you suck it up and move on or let it define you...it hurts. No one can feel your pain as their pain is all they know. So I am complaining here on my own blog.
I think people aren't really complaining and looking for sympathy as much as they are afraid and really want people to understand what they are going through...it's scary
I am glad I am one of those people that have chosen life over sitting home complaining and I doubt anyone has more going on than me...Im sure someone does somewhere.

Now that I got it out, I can continue taking care of my family, going to work, schlepping my kids...doing my bootcamp..Yep, my bootcamp-to the best of my ability, taking peoples pictures which requires so much squatting that I couldn't do a year ago, but now I can just from being a photographer! I will suffer through 5 1/2 hrs of my darling 8 years Opera...if I have to stand in the back of the theater. I will fight to the finish and my kids will remember, not the mama that used to lay in bed crying (in the beginning I did) but the mama that was there for everything they do!


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